Friday, 13 May 2011

Exam Season Is Here!

It's exam season again at college. For most students, this is where panic, anxiety and disorder reign supreme. I am no exception. I have been house-bound for the past week, holed up in my room trying desperately to keep all of the information I have painstakingly studied from leaking out my ears.
It's not going at all well.
I decided to take a break from study yesterday by playing some video games. My intention was to relax my nerves for a few hours by playing some Portal on my Xbox. However, my nerves were already so shattered that I felt guilty for taking time out for gaming. Even the turrets in Portal seemed to be accusing me as they tried to kill me.
My faithful Companion Cube said nothing but it didn't need to. It never needs to. I could just FEEL the dissapointment emanating from that pink heart on it's side.
I began to feel ashamed for doing anything that wasn't related to my studying. Even sitting down to read the newspaper made me feel guilty because it wasn't reading material accociated with my exams and therefore was outside of the list of things I was allowed to do. If anyone came into the room when I was not studying I would slink out of the room again with my head down as if I had been caught doing something unspeakable.
So I banned myself from doing anything but studying in order to prevent this feeling of guilt occuring again. I promised myself all manner of treats for when the exams were finished in order to keep me from getting distracted. I began studying feverishly, and bitterly.
And then, of course, it happened. Distraction comes easily to me and this time, as with many other times, it came in the form of another life-form. A bee. A huge one, I might add (defensively).
Wait a minute, is that the same bee from the previous blog entry?
I swear he just lives to distract me...

Studying wouldn't be such a difficult thing for me if it weren't for one irritating fact: No matter how much or how little I study, I ALWAYS come out of an exam with a completely average mark. I also ALWAYS finish the exam WAY before everyone else and then sit in the exam hall feeling anxious.
I ask myself repeatedly until the end of the exam: "Why am I finished first? Why are they all still writing? Did I write too little? Should I make up some stuff to write in order to fill in the remaining time?". When the exam is over and we are all permitted to leave, I continue worrying as people tell me how much they had written for particular questions. I do this EVERY SINGLE exam season. Yet every single exam season I come out with an average mark. I pass my exams comfortably enough. I don't get remarkable grades but I get by. This doesn't change whether I put in tonnes of hours studying or completely ignore the exams until the day they begin.
Maybe, with this thought in mind, I should just forget about study. Maybe I should go lay in the grass and enjoy the sunshine while it's here.
Because bets are on that in two months from now my results sheet will say the same thing it said last semester, no matter what I do!
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