Monday, 23 May 2011

In a Rush

I'm meant to be studying for my final two exams right now but my head feels so full of information that my notes go all blurry when I try to re-read them. I'm taking a break long enough to do a new entry here. I'll be back to normal updates next week.
On Wednesday, I have a very full day ahead of me. It's my Better Half's graduation as well as the day of my final (and most difficult) exam. The exam finishes a couple of hours before the graduation ceremony, which means I have a very short amount of time to get home (takes up to 90 minutes), get dressed up (depending on my level of organisation, can take up to three days...) and get myself to the ceremony (for normal people, takes approx. fifteen minutes..for me we are talking days again).
I know that when I get into the exam hall I'm not going to be fully focused on my paper. My mind is going to look like The Persistence Of Memory by Dali; melting clocks flying around the place.
My biggest fear is that the amount of planning I'm going to be doing to organise the rest of the day in my head in that exam hall is going to make me vocalize my panic (which is my usual response to anxiety).
OK so it's not usually that bad...Little squeaks and mumbles is about the worst it gets. But in an exam hall filled with 300 or more silent-as-the-grave students, any little sound will resonate.

I decided to make a To-Do list in advance and pin it on my bedroom wall. That way I don't need to remember everything that needs to be done when I get home. I can do my exam and return home safe in the knowledge that Past Savvy has already got my routine planned out. 
The little 'greater than/less than' sign next to"makeup" is to remind me to put on the right amount. As you probably read in a previous entry, I tend to either under or over do it. Number 5 is in relation to my tendency to forget to feed myself when my day contains a lot of activity. Then I end up half-passing out sometime later in the evening through lack of nourishment. See that weird stain on Number 6? That's tea. 
It's not there on the actual To-Do list yet. I know for a fact that it will be there on Wednesday. That's the moment where I relax into my chair, confident I have everything sorted out. I glance at the To-Do list, see Number 6 and realize I have maybe 5 minutes to get to the ceremony. That's where I spit and/or dribble the mouthful of tea I had been previously enjoying, and high-tail it out of the house, while the people who love and care about me look on in concern.
If you're wondering why I need such a ridiculously simplified To-Do list, you obviously aren't a regular reader of this blog. It is at this point that I am obligated to tell you to run. Get out while you still can. I never get any saner! 
Without a To-Do list or intense planning-ahead, I end up an unorganized mess; combing my teeth and brushing my hair with a toothbrush, confused and in pain but unable to stop.
The good thing is, I somehow always end up looking halfway presentable even after all the madness (thanks mostly to my family and those aforementioned people watching me in concern). 
So when I reach the ceremony, there will be little or nothing to indicate that I spent the last half hour of my life having my second shower of the day to get rid of all the toothpaste from my hair. My gums will also hopefully have stopped bleeding by then.
So no-one there will ever suspect that I am anything other than a functioning adult female. They will never know the truth.
But you will, wont you?


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