Sunday, 17 July 2011

Dealing With Arguments When You're Bad With Conflict

I'm not the most rational person during an argument. I tend to get over-emotive...all flailing limbs and no logic. I have however, learned a few basic things about what-to-do and what-not-to-do during arguments.
If you're anything like me (and I hope for your sake that you aren't), your face will be as readable as an open large-print book in a sunshine-filled room. This particular curse makes it almost impossible for me to lie (various twitches give me away). It also makes me look like a child having a tantrum during an argument (face goes red and puffy, jaw sets, brows deeply furrowed).
One thing I CAN control about my facial expressions (now that I've been made aware of it) is a thing I call Crazy Eyes. This is where the rage inside me is so acute that the madness actually shines from my of them usually partially closes too, which of course just adds to an overall crazy-person demeanor and doesn't give me any brownie points for logic during an argument.

Facial expressions like this are a no-no because they show that you are not in control of your emotions (because if you can't even control your face..).
Another bad idea is to use body language such as pointing. Pointing your finger (either at the person you are arguing with or just generally around the room) gives off big stinky vibes of accusation and blame-laying.

It's important to keep calm during an argument. Even if you are anxious to get out your side of the story, you need to listen to the other party's information first. As hard as this is, do your very best not to think about your own side of the argument while they are telling you theirs. Use all of your attention to listen. Nod, respond appropriately and even smile if you can muster up that kind of positive energy.

This doesn't mean that you should stand there all meek and submissive. You cannot behave like a tyrant during an argument because that will get you nowhere long-term, but you shouldn't allow yourself to be walked on like a doormat either.
Does your brain turn to lava during an argument? Mine does too. Sometimes all I want to do is cry, while other times I feel like I'm going blind from the rage.

If it's all too much for you, tell the other party you would rather discuss matters when you have both calmed down...Then go home and do what I do in these situations: Make them as a character on The Sims and kill them over and over ad nauseam until you have vented out sufficient rage to deal with the other party like a normal human being.

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